Grace Curtis
I grew up in a strong Catholic family in the suburbs of Cincinnati. All my life I have gone to Catholic schools, taken religion classes, attended youth group and retreats, served mission trips, and participated in all the faith formation options offered to me. However, having the theology and information in my mind did not fully resonate in my heart for many years. I still struggle today with understanding various parts of the Church, but one of the aspects I have always been firm in is the Eucharist. My understanding of Communion has evolved as I’ve grown and is a continual conversion as Jesus reveals more things in my heart. I remember being a little girl in the second grade preparing for my First Communion. Although I didn’t fully understand all the teachings behind this mysterious bread and wine, all that mattered was I was going to get to be closer to Jesus. In the weeks leading up to the sacrament, girls at my lunch table would use cookies to practice and giggle. I would get so frustrated with them because although I couldn’t articulate why I thought it was wrong, but it felt immoral because they weren’t respecting the mass or sacrificial love in this experience. After many practices and prep classes, it was time for my First Communion. Although I do not remember it in great detail, I do remember feeling important and beautiful in my little white dress. And that is exactly how Jesus wants us to feel every mass… valued, important, and beautiful to Him. For the remainder of my grade school days, the Eucharist remained something I viewed only at surface level. That is, until I was hit with the whirlwind of drama that is seventh grade and everything changed.
I don’t know what it is about junior high, but hormones and friends and school and boys and everything seems to be changing. And I hate change! I had a lot on my plate trying to choose a high school, trying to be cool, getting good grades, and of course trying desperately to get boys to like me. I couldn’t face the harsh reality that trying to become someone other than my true self was slowly eating away at my soul. Although I have plenty of fond memories in junior high, my thirst for attention, validation, and love seemed to drown out everything else. In January of my seventh grade year, I attended a Challenge retreat at the Our Lady of the Holy Spirit Center. It was all girls who were just like me: confused, insecure, and eager to find peace in the midst of a crazy life. I consider this retreat the most important moment in my faith as a child, for this was when I truly saw Christ in the Eucharist. On every single Challenge retreat there is a Saturday night Adoration in the Sorrowful Mother Chapel. It is the most beautiful encounter with Jesus I have ever had; it truly feels like heaven on earth. On that cold night, I opened the heavy doors and walked into a room dimly lit with warm, soft light. The outside world was black, and glancing around I saw something that seemed to illuminate my whole world. There was Christ in the Eucharist on the altar, shining welcoming light from the gold monstrance. I knelt down in a pew on the right side of the chapel about halfway back from the altar. The consecrated women led us in song, and those sweet sounds are still the closest thing I have heard to choirs of angels. All of them poured their love out for the Lord in gentle music that moved my soul to a beautiful realization. It was like I was seeing Jesus for the first time, right there in front of me. I started to open up my heart to Him, slowly revealing parts of myself and what was happening in my life. Soon all of the other girls left to carry on the night, and I was alone with the Lord. Suddenly, I decided to do something very foreign to me. I prayed out loud, but not an Our Father or Glory Be. I talked to Jesus. I talked and talked about everything hurting me and I cried shamelessly. All the love I was seeking was found there in Love Himself. Every time I felt inadequate, Jesus was there delighting in my very being. This revelation Jesus gave me struck fast and deep in the deepest part of my heart, and I’ve never viewed my faith the same.
I have had many times of desolation where I struggle in my relationship with God, but the countless experiences of burning, ultimate love in the Eucharist keep me holding on. One of the things I find the most fascinating about Jesus is how He never changes, yet He can give whatever part of Himself I need at any given time. He can do anything and fill any desire we could possibly have, even when we aren’t positive what our desires are. Every single Sunday, I get to go on a date with the love of my life. I confide in Him, listen to Him, celebrate with Him, and finally prepare to receive His total, free, fruitful love. I remember the sacrifice He’s given for me, and as I walk down the aisle my heart swells with joy and love at being in complete union with the one who truly knows my soul. In receiving Him, He fills me with all more love and mercy than I knew existed and packs virtues I need into my heart. He dwells in me and I in Him. That right there is the very essence of the mass, an expression of God’s perfect love for me and my imperfect love for Him. Without the Eucharist constantly fortifying me, I simply could not live out the faith as Jesus has called me to do. The Lord has formed me in this journey and will continue to help me change, but the one thing that will always stay constant is the love He gives me in Communion. And I’ve come to know that is all that I need.
I hope some part of this testimony has touched you, feel God’s love today.
Your Sister in Christ
"Do you realize that Jesus is there in the tabernacle expressly for you - for you alone? He burns with the desire to come into your heart...don't listen to the demon, laugh at him, and go without fear to receive the Jesus of peace and love... Receive Communion often, very often...there you have the sole remedy, if you want to be cured. Jesus has not put this attraction in your heart for nothing... The guest of our soul knows our misery; He comes to find an empty tent within us - that is all He asks."
- St. Therese of Lisieux
How He Loves - David Crowder Band
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QS1d-u3oQp0
Everything - Lifehouse
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1tVk-QlBKs&nohtml5=False
I don’t know what it is about junior high, but hormones and friends and school and boys and everything seems to be changing. And I hate change! I had a lot on my plate trying to choose a high school, trying to be cool, getting good grades, and of course trying desperately to get boys to like me. I couldn’t face the harsh reality that trying to become someone other than my true self was slowly eating away at my soul. Although I have plenty of fond memories in junior high, my thirst for attention, validation, and love seemed to drown out everything else. In January of my seventh grade year, I attended a Challenge retreat at the Our Lady of the Holy Spirit Center. It was all girls who were just like me: confused, insecure, and eager to find peace in the midst of a crazy life. I consider this retreat the most important moment in my faith as a child, for this was when I truly saw Christ in the Eucharist. On every single Challenge retreat there is a Saturday night Adoration in the Sorrowful Mother Chapel. It is the most beautiful encounter with Jesus I have ever had; it truly feels like heaven on earth. On that cold night, I opened the heavy doors and walked into a room dimly lit with warm, soft light. The outside world was black, and glancing around I saw something that seemed to illuminate my whole world. There was Christ in the Eucharist on the altar, shining welcoming light from the gold monstrance. I knelt down in a pew on the right side of the chapel about halfway back from the altar. The consecrated women led us in song, and those sweet sounds are still the closest thing I have heard to choirs of angels. All of them poured their love out for the Lord in gentle music that moved my soul to a beautiful realization. It was like I was seeing Jesus for the first time, right there in front of me. I started to open up my heart to Him, slowly revealing parts of myself and what was happening in my life. Soon all of the other girls left to carry on the night, and I was alone with the Lord. Suddenly, I decided to do something very foreign to me. I prayed out loud, but not an Our Father or Glory Be. I talked to Jesus. I talked and talked about everything hurting me and I cried shamelessly. All the love I was seeking was found there in Love Himself. Every time I felt inadequate, Jesus was there delighting in my very being. This revelation Jesus gave me struck fast and deep in the deepest part of my heart, and I’ve never viewed my faith the same.
I have had many times of desolation where I struggle in my relationship with God, but the countless experiences of burning, ultimate love in the Eucharist keep me holding on. One of the things I find the most fascinating about Jesus is how He never changes, yet He can give whatever part of Himself I need at any given time. He can do anything and fill any desire we could possibly have, even when we aren’t positive what our desires are. Every single Sunday, I get to go on a date with the love of my life. I confide in Him, listen to Him, celebrate with Him, and finally prepare to receive His total, free, fruitful love. I remember the sacrifice He’s given for me, and as I walk down the aisle my heart swells with joy and love at being in complete union with the one who truly knows my soul. In receiving Him, He fills me with all more love and mercy than I knew existed and packs virtues I need into my heart. He dwells in me and I in Him. That right there is the very essence of the mass, an expression of God’s perfect love for me and my imperfect love for Him. Without the Eucharist constantly fortifying me, I simply could not live out the faith as Jesus has called me to do. The Lord has formed me in this journey and will continue to help me change, but the one thing that will always stay constant is the love He gives me in Communion. And I’ve come to know that is all that I need.
I hope some part of this testimony has touched you, feel God’s love today.
Your Sister in Christ
"Do you realize that Jesus is there in the tabernacle expressly for you - for you alone? He burns with the desire to come into your heart...don't listen to the demon, laugh at him, and go without fear to receive the Jesus of peace and love... Receive Communion often, very often...there you have the sole remedy, if you want to be cured. Jesus has not put this attraction in your heart for nothing... The guest of our soul knows our misery; He comes to find an empty tent within us - that is all He asks."
- St. Therese of Lisieux
How He Loves - David Crowder Band
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QS1d-u3oQp0
Everything - Lifehouse
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1tVk-QlBKs&nohtml5=False